Weekly PIH: Just Everyday People Who Deserve a Punch in the Head

1. Sarah Palin and her mighty Telepalmer. (see below!)

2. The heartless aaaass behind the reduced-salt Sidekick commercials. They have awakened my long held belief that inanimate objects have feelings with their evil depiction of "wee salt shaker man" who has been reduced to peering through a rainy window at the warm, family meal inside. He cries his guts out-- literally; so do I. For God's sake: EAT SALT!!! As if those mop-hating bastards at Swiffer weren't bad enough.

3. "Keep the tofu balls warm honey, I'm gonna be late! Bob Barker's check cleared and I'm going to take a spin to Antarctica to ram a Japanese fishing vessel with the Bat Boat." AYFKM???? You can't even make this stuff up! Before PETA sabotages my blog with images of emaciated, staggering baby horses (and it has bacon in the name!): THIS IS NOT A STATEMENT IN SUPPORT OF WHALING!! But seriously, a Bat Boat!!! Riiiiiidiculous! LOL

4. Jerry the monotone GPS ass (Henceforth known as: GP-AAAASS) for plotting my route through the lobby of the MetLife building in Manhattan. I wanted to do it....just hammer down, jump the steps, plow right through, crash to a stop in a shower of glass in front of the rosy- cheeked Christmas tourists, climb out, slam the door, order some street meat and then sue those ill-informed, misleading bastards!!! FYI: This wasn't some Jesus revival tent clamored up in the middle of Park Avenue: It is one of the worlds 50 largest buildings, constructed in Nineteen Sixty-Freakin-Three!!!

5. The short, squeeky lotion cart bitch who followed me through the mall for 10 paces trying to give me a hand massage...am I in Thailand?

6. Every Engineer, inventor and Santa-Claus-His-Freakin'-Self for not coming up with a better hanging assembly for Christmas ornaments than that damn wire hook and circle crap! (Yeah, Yeah, I'm sweating the small stuff...cheaper than Hydro in December...)

7. The simple-minded, winter-jovials...all bundled up with their toothy smiles, waving as they waddle over the snow banks. You don't really like winter that much; it's a coping mechanism!



Thursday, September 11, 2008


Where were you when the world stopped turning...that September day?

Out in the yard with your wife and children;
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke 
Rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children 
that lost their dear loved ones?
Did you pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
and sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out in pride for the red white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer?
And look at yourself for what really matters?
 
I'm just a singer of simple songs;
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN, but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference
in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is Love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning
That September day?
Teaching a class full of innocent children;
Driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor
in a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her?
Did you dust off that bible at home?

Did you open your eyes hope it never happened;
And close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages;
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow;
Go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers?
Stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love?

Where were you when the world stopped turning...
that September day?

by Alan Jackson

1 comment:

Hunter Family said...

Hey - are you alive? No more slackin' on the blog. It's been almost 2 months and I miss you! Please come back - I need some entertainment!