It's only February 1st and I've had enough. At some point this winter the snow bank in front of our house was taller than I am (and I'm tall!). Then we got this deluge that melted it all, causing me night terror visions of water spraying into the basement. Then the temperatures dropped to a level that makes you afraid to touch your nose because you might send a snotcicle into your brain. And this might be a particularly snowy winter, but it's the same every year.....either piles and piles of snow…..or freezing rain.....ice pellets......sleet….arctic temperatures. Sometimes they don’t even know what to call it and they use this ridiculous term, “Wintry Mix.” And it's not just since I moved to Ottawa. Idaho's winter usually only lasts from November to March and there’s somewhat less snow.....but it's still a hefty winter. I have 33 years of experience with winter, and I pride myself on my extensive repertoire of coping skills (both healthy and unhealthy). But it's getting hard….and I think I know why:
First, there is the sad fact that venting has very short-term effects and winter here lasts for six months. To maximize the benefit, I like to pair up venting with feeling sorry for myself. But it's hard to feel sorry for yourself for toughing out the winter months when you live in CANADA. It's in the brochure. Unless you actually break a bone or get stranded in the wilderness no one feels sorry for you. Let's also remember that I'm in Ottawa, which is in the SOUTHERN part of Canada. I was in Northern Ontario when it was -50!!! As in 50 degrees below 0!!! That's so cold that they stop even bothering to convert it between Fahrenheit and Celsius....it's just -50 in both!!
Secondly, there are “The Pretenders.” (i.e. people who pretend to like winter.) I think their diagnosis is very similar to people who pretend to like liver......and housecleaning.....and Neil Diamond. They say things like, "You just need to find activities that you like to do in winter" (I have them.....they just don't involve going outside!! Ever!!!). Next it’s, "With the right clothes it's not cold...it's all about layering" (Are you kidding me? This layering thing must be a native Canadian skill because there aren’t enough layers to block out -30). Or I just love, "Isn't the Snow Beautiful?" (Sure, when I'm sitting on my couch drinking coffee, watching it fall in the backyard on the weekend. But there's nothing pretty about it the other five days of the week when I'm brushing it off my car while it slides down my coat sleeves. I’m sure that part of me is just jealous that some people have been able to brainwash themselves into thinking that they like shovelling 30 cm of snow in their 50-lb parka. But when they look up and wave I sometimes fantasize about launching an ice ball right into that toothy smile.
Last of all, the constant threat of falling on your ass just ruins the mood. It could happen at the grocery store.....walking to the car in the morning.....coming home late at night after a few glasses of wine.....or going to get the mail. It's there....looming..... In my case, most recently it was while carrying ten bags of groceries up the front steps. I am a one-trip Sally. Regardless of whether I buy $6 or $200 worth of groceries they are getting into that house in ONE TRIP. Well, as I waddled toward the house during one such trip my foot slipped on some ice on the bottom step. In a strange twist of physics the grocery bags were propelled upward over my head and I felt flat on my back in a shower of soup cans and deli meat. In the process I pressed the panic button on my keychain and the Mustang's horn started blowing and the lights started flashing. In a fit of pride I rolled to my knees, stuffed the groceries into the torn bags and propelled all of us into the house. That moment flashes vividly through my mind every time I step onto an icy surface...the professionals call it post-traumatic stress.
I know that despite it all, spring will come. The snow will melt. The temperature will rise. And from the ashes, one-trip Sally will rise again. But for now, I will have to rely on the short term effects of venting. I should be good now…..for a few days.
First, there is the sad fact that venting has very short-term effects and winter here lasts for six months. To maximize the benefit, I like to pair up venting with feeling sorry for myself. But it's hard to feel sorry for yourself for toughing out the winter months when you live in CANADA. It's in the brochure. Unless you actually break a bone or get stranded in the wilderness no one feels sorry for you. Let's also remember that I'm in Ottawa, which is in the SOUTHERN part of Canada. I was in Northern Ontario when it was -50!!! As in 50 degrees below 0!!! That's so cold that they stop even bothering to convert it between Fahrenheit and Celsius....it's just -50 in both!!
Secondly, there are “The Pretenders.” (i.e. people who pretend to like winter.) I think their diagnosis is very similar to people who pretend to like liver......and housecleaning.....and Neil Diamond. They say things like, "You just need to find activities that you like to do in winter" (I have them.....they just don't involve going outside!! Ever!!!). Next it’s, "With the right clothes it's not cold...it's all about layering" (Are you kidding me? This layering thing must be a native Canadian skill because there aren’t enough layers to block out -30). Or I just love, "Isn't the Snow Beautiful?" (Sure, when I'm sitting on my couch drinking coffee, watching it fall in the backyard on the weekend. But there's nothing pretty about it the other five days of the week when I'm brushing it off my car while it slides down my coat sleeves. I’m sure that part of me is just jealous that some people have been able to brainwash themselves into thinking that they like shovelling 30 cm of snow in their 50-lb parka. But when they look up and wave I sometimes fantasize about launching an ice ball right into that toothy smile.
Last of all, the constant threat of falling on your ass just ruins the mood. It could happen at the grocery store.....walking to the car in the morning.....coming home late at night after a few glasses of wine.....or going to get the mail. It's there....looming..... In my case, most recently it was while carrying ten bags of groceries up the front steps. I am a one-trip Sally. Regardless of whether I buy $6 or $200 worth of groceries they are getting into that house in ONE TRIP. Well, as I waddled toward the house during one such trip my foot slipped on some ice on the bottom step. In a strange twist of physics the grocery bags were propelled upward over my head and I felt flat on my back in a shower of soup cans and deli meat. In the process I pressed the panic button on my keychain and the Mustang's horn started blowing and the lights started flashing. In a fit of pride I rolled to my knees, stuffed the groceries into the torn bags and propelled all of us into the house. That moment flashes vividly through my mind every time I step onto an icy surface...the professionals call it post-traumatic stress.
I know that despite it all, spring will come. The snow will melt. The temperature will rise. And from the ashes, one-trip Sally will rise again. But for now, I will have to rely on the short term effects of venting. I should be good now…..for a few days.
2 comments:
Kari, I hope this is "a" Mustang, and not "the" Mustang under that pile of ice?!!!
Well, I was in the most foul mood this morning driving through the snow and being annoyed with idiot drivers....thank you for making me laugh. I can truly appreicate 'one trip Sally' - that's me too and your annoyance with people who love this weather. You're right about the whole thing, layering, the 'isn't it beautiful' crap, and finding something you enjoy in the winter....whatever, they're all liars. However, I really do like Neil Diamond! Also, I can't beleive my friend whose favorite song in High School was the U.S. National Anthem is now a Canadian, Congratulations! I'm so glad you are a blogger! Can't wait to read what's next. Love Ya!
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