Be Not Ashamed

I was home sick yesterday (yes, I was actually sick) and decided to make the best of it by doing this special burrito-roll thing I do with my blanket on the couch to watch T.V. It occurred to me in my delirium that my television choices embarrass me. I wondered if someone, somewhere (besides Mathieu who is technologically linked up in real-time to everything that happens in our house) could be tracking my viewing habits. I really hoped not. Then it occurred to me that everyone has dirty little entertainment secrets....a Celine Dion CD tucked into their glove box.....a Paris Hilton story in their internet history. Maybe I'm not alone.....and if I'm brave enough to admit it I just mind find that there are others like me....and we can stand together, unashamed.

1. I watched a marathon of "The Hills." Yes, I did it. I watched seven episodes worth of shallow, emoting, backstabbing blondes in giant sunglasses cry over their boyfriends, boytoys, and boybands with their little perfect nails and giant rings wrapped around fat-free double raspberry-mocha lattes with skim milk. I mean, when Lauren almost didn't get to go to Paris for Teen Vogue, but STILL warned Whitney to pack warm clothes I had tears. How many of us pass a true friendship test like THAT!!

2. I had a season-pass on Tivo for "Dog The Bounty Hunter" It's like T.J. Hooker meets Hells Angels meets Jimmy Swaggart meets.... well, you get what I mean. I don't even care that they spend an hour working up plan A, B and C to capture the biggest, bad-ass criminal Waikiki has ever served up, only to actually body slam him while he's eating sugar smacks in his underwear at his mama's house. It's all worth it when you watch the guy (still in his underwear) smoking a cigarette in his handcuffs while Dog brings in the life-changing reinforcements.....and I'm talkin' about JESUS here people. These Brahs find the Lord on their trip to the clink. It's poetic stuff!

3. I like the Backstreet Boys. I said it. It's exhausting to spend your life in hiding. Have you ever REALLY listened to "I want it that way"? And have you HONESTLY never wanted to sing along? Liars!

4. I know the words to Ice-Ice Baby. Uh, All the words. I honestly don't know what waxing a trump like a candle means, but I can sing it baby!

5. I wrote the band "Poison" a letter in 1990. I don't remember what incomprehensibly idiotic things I said, but I know it had something to do with inviting them to come stay on my farm in Idaho if they were too overwhelmed with the rockstar life. Uh....wow.

6. I haven't missed an episode of American Idol in three years. Mind you, I have had the help of Tivo. It's a talent show, like star search! I like talent shows. I like Simon....and thank God for Simon. He provides an excuse for hundreds of people to watch the show without admitting they actually like it. But I'll say it.....I actually like it....except for Jordin Sparks, she's annoying.

7. Sometimes I sing along in my car (at the top of my lungs) to Celine Dion. she move me, ho-k?

8. I locked myself in the bathroom when my mom refused to drive me to Salt Lake City to see Kirk Cameron at the Crossroads Mall. You can freakin' bet that if it would have been TINA TURNER we'd have packed up the whole family for a pilgrimage down I-15, thrusting our fists in the air to the beat of "Better Be Good To Me." I'm still bitter.

9. I thought Madonna's, "Like a Virgin" meant someone from Virginia and couldn't understand why my father wouldn't buy it for me for Christmas when I was 9 years old. My YOUNGER sister had to sit me down, shake her head in disbelief (Again) and tell me that it meant something "naughty." All I could think about was that I had sung it at the breakfast table with my grandparents over soft-boiled eggs and grapefruit.

10. When my teacher told me that I shouldn't pick Ronald Reagan for the 5th time, I wrote a "hero" paper about the professional wrestler Magnum T.A. I mainly focused on his killer belly-to-belly suplex move, his friendship with Dusty Rhodes, and his noble defense of his mama when she was insulted at ringside by the dirty Russian Nikita Kolov.

Well, there they are. I am pretty sure there are people out there who have been liberated by my honesty. We're never alone. I think there might be a Celine Dion song about that!

Christmas in July?

Mathieu teased me this weekend when I slyly started putting up the Christmas decorations. "There's nothing like Christmas in July!!" He proclaimed! Well, it's not exactly July….and in my opinion it's never too early.

Christmas is a special time for most families, but it was amplified in my house as a child because my mother is an absolute Christmas freak. As I type this she’s stringing her one-millionth strand of popcorn and watching Christmas movies in her green Christmas pajamas….the ones she wears all year long. My brother John, sister Sherrie and I are now 25, 28, and 32 respectively, and yet when we want a good laugh we just follow my mother around the house saying that Santa Claus isn’t real. She covers her ears and says, in a much wounded voice, "Don't say that!" She used to get so excited about opening presents that she'd wake us up at 5:00 a.m. on Christmas morning. Of course, by then Sherrie had already completed her recognisance on the presents.

Christmas changes as you get older, but as soon as my niece Maddie and nephews Zach and Zane came along, we realized why having kids around makes the holidays magical again. Seeing them at Christmas is one of the things I miss most now that I live far away. For their part, however, they don't seem to mind much. They have started making lists of things that are easily available on the internet because they know that Aunt Kari will break her neck getting to the computer to make their every wish come true. WELL, nearly ever wish. Last year Maddie decided she just had to have a Furreal pony. "Aunt Kari, they move, look and act JUST like real horses." Well, that's a good enough reason I think! That was until I saw that the little bastards cost $300-$500!! I felt bad until I called my sister to let her know I wasn't going to buy the furreal pony. She said (in the 'can-you-get-any-more-naive?' voice she’s used with me since I was 10) “Kari, are you a moron? She's surrounded by dozens of real horses every day, why would she need a mechanical one?" *sigh* Well, Miss Maddie did, nonetheless, get the furreal tiger. After all, she's NOT surrounded by real tigers every day and they move, look and act JUST like real tigers!!!

Since moving to Canada I haven't been back to Idaho for Christmas. It's hard being away from family when you live far away, but I have been blessed to spend the last seven Christmas' with Mathieu's family in Hearst, Ontario. And considering that I have no interest in visiting the North Pole, I’m convinced that being in Northern Ontario is the closest thing to a real Christmas village one can get. And from the first time I visited them, Mathieu's family have given me a home for Christmas. They have their own food, traditions and memories that I feel honored to share in now. Of the things we look forward to, many of them have something to do with Meat, Maple, and/or Liquor. Add that to the fact that we open our presents one day earlier, on Christmas Eve….and then tell me how it gets much better than that?

So, Christmas has changed over the years, but it's still about home....family.....faith.....and maybe just a little, itsy, bit about the meat, maple and liquor! :) And when Mathieu and I spend snowy nights by the fireplace surrounded by tons of Christmas decorations it reminds me of my 31 Christmas' across two countries.......even if it's still November.

Acutely aware that not all things age well.......

I have always loved reveling in bygone days by re-telling the same old stories; rehashing long-gone situations; listening to nostalgic music; and even having the same conversations over and over. On our 12-hour drive to Mathieu's home town of Hearst each year for Christmas I make him tell me the same stories or fun-facts about the things we see. Every year he has to point out the "No Toronto Garbage" sign in Kirkland Lake that's been there for 15 years. (Isn't it incredible that the threat of incoming garbage is still THAT fresh for someone?) And of course, there is the Cold Weather testing facility in Kapuskasing and then, close to home, one of my favorites, Grandma's house! So, I have never understood the pressure to "try something new" and just "forget the past." I have some pretty good stories. I also married a man whose friends have some of the best "back in the day" stories going. They're a sure thing....they're tried and tested....and if it ain't broken, don't fix it!! But recently, I became acutely aware that not all things age well. This happened shortly after I was clapping with excitement when I saw that the movie "Footloose" had successfully been recorded on Tivo! That movie was sooooo cool!!! So, I settled in for a flashback. I was only somewhat disappointed with the opening credits. I mean, shoes are a weather vane for fashion. It's only natural that some of those shoes bopping back and forth would look a little strange. But as it wore on I realized that it was so much better when played back in my head. Ariel's pants don't ride up so high.....and the montage of a seemingly "cool" high school boy teaching another to dance isn't so.....uh, gay and utterly ridiculous. And most of all, a pent-up Kevin Bacon who breaks away to an abandoned warehouse because he's JUST GOT TO DANCE isn't so pathetic that I cover my head in embarrassment. It's so sad! This movie inspired me.....I played the soundtrack in my Walkman until it started smoking. It led to my sister and I dancing on our water bed while throwing handfuls of glitter into the air. It gave me a comeback when my uncle told us that dancing was Satanic. "But in the Bible it says that David danced!!!" I sputtered! But, regardless of those things, now, well..... it just sucks. *sigh* I still love it of course. But now I understand; Some things should be left in the past. If only I would have realized that BEFORE ordering the set of banana clips on ebay.