Weekly PIH: Just Everyday People Who Deserve a Punch in the Head

1. Sarah Palin and her mighty Telepalmer. (see below!)

2. The heartless aaaass behind the reduced-salt Sidekick commercials. They have awakened my long held belief that inanimate objects have feelings with their evil depiction of "wee salt shaker man" who has been reduced to peering through a rainy window at the warm, family meal inside. He cries his guts out-- literally; so do I. For God's sake: EAT SALT!!! As if those mop-hating bastards at Swiffer weren't bad enough.

3. "Keep the tofu balls warm honey, I'm gonna be late! Bob Barker's check cleared and I'm going to take a spin to Antarctica to ram a Japanese fishing vessel with the Bat Boat." AYFKM???? You can't even make this stuff up! Before PETA sabotages my blog with images of emaciated, staggering baby horses (and it has bacon in the name!): THIS IS NOT A STATEMENT IN SUPPORT OF WHALING!! But seriously, a Bat Boat!!! Riiiiiidiculous! LOL

4. Jerry the monotone GPS ass (Henceforth known as: GP-AAAASS) for plotting my route through the lobby of the MetLife building in Manhattan. I wanted to do it....just hammer down, jump the steps, plow right through, crash to a stop in a shower of glass in front of the rosy- cheeked Christmas tourists, climb out, slam the door, order some street meat and then sue those ill-informed, misleading bastards!!! FYI: This wasn't some Jesus revival tent clamored up in the middle of Park Avenue: It is one of the worlds 50 largest buildings, constructed in Nineteen Sixty-Freakin-Three!!!

5. The short, squeeky lotion cart bitch who followed me through the mall for 10 paces trying to give me a hand massage...am I in Thailand?

6. Every Engineer, inventor and Santa-Claus-His-Freakin'-Self for not coming up with a better hanging assembly for Christmas ornaments than that damn wire hook and circle crap! (Yeah, Yeah, I'm sweating the small stuff...cheaper than Hydro in December...)

7. The simple-minded, winter-jovials...all bundled up with their toothy smiles, waving as they waddle over the snow banks. You don't really like winter that much; it's a coping mechanism!



Saturday, May 17, 2008

Cha-Ching!!!





Long weekends are big for shopping, at least in the States where stores have this crazy idea that if they STAY OPEN PEOPLE WILL BUY THINGS AND THEY MIGHT MAKE SOME MONEY! Phew!!  Anyway, it's not actually a big shopping day for all of us because some of us already spent our money (and the grocery money) on junk. :)  So, while I am not shopping this weekend, I thought I would share some of my recent shopping fixations.  I'm not a permanent power-shopper, but every now and then I feel a surge!  Sometimes I end up with a hot little purchase in my hands and other times, well, I'm just dreaming!  But here is my list of cool sh-tuff! :) Cha-Ching!



1.  Laptop Bags for the Ladies:  You wouldn't believe the cool laptop bags they have for girls!  I spent weeks looking and went through two types before landing a Swissgear bag that is "stylish as well as commodius."  It's not extremely "cha-cha" or anything, but I'm pleased!  I've packed it and unpacked it twice already and the weekend is still young!  If you're shopping for girly-bags there are some amazing choices at:  http://www.squidoo.com/laptopbag  




2.  Bobbi Brown Makeup:  They don't have this in Canada that I know of, so every time I tell someone about it they think it's Bobby Brown the singer.  This can't be good marketing. :)  Anyway, the Lord sent me a free makeup "hookup" a couple of years back so I got to try a lot of it for free.  It's FABULOUS!!  My favorite is the Kohl eyeliner palette.   www.bobbibrown.com  



3.  Matt and Nat Bags, Purses and Wallets:  They're in Montreal and they have some lofty, earth-loving, vegan principle, but none of it matters because I LOVE THEM!!  www.mattandnat.com




4.  Maui Jim Sunglasses:  One of my rare purchases for the year.  They're red!  They're beautiful.  Did I say they're red?  :)  I am pretty sure people are checkin' me out all the time now!! :)  They also have some great polarization technology and rare earth components that I don't understand, but I feel it baby!!! :)   www.mauijim.com



5.  The Body Shop Makeup:  Shimmer!! I love shimmer.  It makes me feel shimmery!  I love their shimmer cubes and shimmer palettes.  I have never said the word "shimmer" so much and it makes me feel extremely, and uncharacteristicly girly!  Shimmer, Shimmer, Shimmer!
www.thebodyshop.com



6.  Lia Sophia Jewelry:  You can only get it in the states through direct sales representatives.  My sister needs to come here and do a party!!  Until then, they have some on ebay in Canada.  Very funky!  www.liasophia.com



7.  Fat Lady Fashion:  So, I get asked all the time by the big and beautifuls in my life where I shop.  This is a complement, but I'm afraid that I'm not extremely exciting and mostly shop at the obvious:  Addition-Elle, Penningtons, Reitmans (they do not impress me lately and I hate the fact that my section is in the back....where's the plus-sized Rosa Parks???), Cotton Ginny (although I find all of their clothes feel like pajamas :), and when I'm in the States, Old Navy and Lane Bryant Ooooooh, Laaaane Bryyaaaaant!  The store that started it all!  Before them it was strangely shaped stuff from discount box stores and Bertha's Tent and Awning.

8. Melaleuca:  The Wellness Cult:  So, everyone who knows me knows about this stuff.  
No, I don't sell it! :)  But the cult (company) is from Idaho and they sell natural, healthy, 
non-toxic products.... everything from cleaning products to makeup to vitamins and health products, etc.  When women in Idaho got tired of selling Avon and Tupperware they started selling Melaleuca!  Most of it contains Melaleuca Oil (tea tree oil from Australia) that is sold as a Panacea by the Melaleuca Cult...cures everything under the sun.   www.melaleuca.com


9.  Local Specialty Foods:  We have local mustard!  Mrs. McGarrigle's Mustard is made in Merrickville, Ont.  They have more mustard varieties than God ever intended.  I love the Chipotle Lime and Red Wine and Garlic.  Our local meat shop also sells amazing sauces from Stonewall Kitchen (They're in Maine).  As for "back home", my sister brought me bottled FRY SAUCE!  If you're not from Idaho/Utah (or a few other western states) you have never heard of fry sauce, but it's sacred (bow your heads).  My brown corduroys used to make that zip, zip, zip sound and almost catch on fire running into the Artic Circle for some burgers, fries and FRY SAUCE!!  If you're interested you can read about it at:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fry_sauce



10.  Crazy, luxury priced luggage:  So, this is CRAZY!!  I saw it on some follow-the-rich-you'll-never-have-this-stuff show.  The luggage is like $20,000ish and the attache cases are $3,000ish.  It IS German engineering though, and that's gotta be worth something!  www.henk.com 

1 comment:

Hunter Family said...

Girl, you crack me up. I KNOW that impulse for Fry Sauce! I love it! Jeff thinks I have a problem. Why would you use Ketchup when you could have Fry Sauce! I love Some Dude's Fry Sauce!

May 19, 2008 at 10:38 AM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)